To know what it means

There are a million miles and faces that I’d like to trace back to their roots, see them begin to grow from the places they start.  I get unsettled by the lack or loss of a moment.  You know the part of life where sitting next to you, a stranger, complex and world-weary catches your glance and nothing more happens.  I wonder if these sorts of moments could ignite my bones and put passion in its place. I’d like to think it was a phase and my silent heart would just embark but I have a fear of those moments.  Not an overwhelming fear but a reserved unpronounced fear. A few fears that come to mind in this situation could be the fear of failure, fear of self, fear of other, fear of finding, and even the fear of forgiving.  Could it be that when someone catches your eye and if the glance is reciprocated that these two people for that split second see significance in themselves. Farther down the road all of this may just come together and become hope.  You might say that there is too much speculating going on but when it comes down to it the body, heart, soul, whatever doesn’t stop(glance) for just anything.  In this instant, the world could change, that’s all I have to say.

I get to thinking about all the scenarios that go along with a random happenstance meeting of souls.  In my life this has happened a few times only. I remember fishing on a pier in the Carolinas and here comes along this girl; unknowingly a friendship would be formed.  One time I was sitting at a red light and somehow a gorgeous girl ends up beside me and a conversation ensues, another friendship is formed which lead to much inspiration my life. More recently I sat down next to a gal and felt an odd movement going on inside me the whole time I sat there, once more inspiration was waiting to be found.  I also remember a person who served me a drink from Disney world a few years back and a conversation I had with a lady on the street.

When one is in touch with the senses that encompass the earth, something will be found.  God breathed, I believe, quite possibly. Out of all my experiences I have come to realize that there isn’t a whole lot of life that makes sense but there is a whole lot to make sense of.  For that reason I won’t lose hope in what surrounds me, everything.

I look to the sun

I look to the moon

But if I look right beside me

There is someone,

 It’s you

 

A coconut dropped on his head….ouch

A few things:

I went to 2(dos) shows last week. Paper Route and Brooke Waggoner.  Super glad i did.  I’ve been listening to Brooke Waggoner for a while now and it was a great thing to see her play and her three band mates (lovely looking ladies).  I saw Bradley Hathaway as well.  yes the manly man.  he will windmill kick you in the face. everybody back upp………. yea lets destroy this place. haaaaaa.  i do like me some spoken word.  

i got stuck in the parking deck at my school this week.  the gate wouldn’t open for my card.  Everyone was pissed and pulling around me.  there was some glaring directed toward me too. oh well.  it was a faulty card not me!. i eventually made it out.  my friend said he saw me and had a good laugh.  i respect that. i’m glad to make someone laugh

worked the heck out of my garden this week too.  some serious labor and manure shoveling.  yes yes. manure. and top soil. and i had to cut down some sweet gum trees to make some cool borders for the beds.  the sweet gum i cut down was in the way of two maples so now they can flourish.  

My dad and i planted some of our seeds in small paper cups too. Hopefully they will begin to sprout!   miracles of life.  such tiny seeds produce incredible plants and trees.  crazy to think about. they are feeling warm in the basement windows until the cold nights go to wherever they go

soon i will be able to put 100% biodiesel in my truck. right now i’m using b20 which is 20% biodiesel.  

i read The Little Prince last week.  read it.  learn from it. yes indeed.  

Bon Iver. Atlanta. Variety. June.  pumped!

Learned how to fix a few things on my truck last week.  Thanks dad.  i feel accomplished now

a hobby of mine is people watching.  cant wait to do it tomorrow.  i get so many laughs walking to and fro on campus.  thanks all you people who i have heard.  Sat and listened/ watched this table of gamers today.  interesting. thats all to say about it. people are so different and unique.  thats the beauty of everyone.  Each one of us with our own separate spirit. breathed into us. who knows when. one day i will understand it

i’m ready to ride my bicycle more, it has been a few weeks since i’ve ridden to school. need to. exercise. freeing feeling. so many things combined into one activity.

Watch: Eagle vs. Shark!   you will laugh

Listen to Bonnie “Prince” Billy

See:  Beauty for what it truly is.  the innermost beauty. deep deep deep

 

Amid the starry night a planet swirls

 

A Drawing I did the other week. I sketched it late one night then decided to take many of the original elements out. This came to happen as a result.

 

A stir, “stand up straight!”

Shadow, design

Engage, rewind

Arrow she pointed 

Bow defined

Back in the clearing

Doe in the shine

Eyes glow revering,

Abruptly blind

 

The fish jumped. The river wept. Dinner was caught.

3-10

Excerpt from a camping trip:

The sun is setting as the river makes it’s soothing sound. I just ate a bowl of spicy rice and beans. I ended dinner with a piece of chocolate. My friend, Pat is sitting in the sand drawing a picture.  Expressing feelings through a picture has a certain way of talking that no words could even try. I am laying in my hammock that is situated a good 6 feet of the ground (should have seen me try to get into it).  It’ll be my bed for tonight(ended up not being my bed though. the sand near the rivers edge suited me better).  the moon is large… (I was interrupted by a fisherman who wanted to talk. He had only caught 1 fish all day but I’ll still refer to him as fisherman). It always happens that a song will pop in my head at the moment I need it to.”God is love and love is real” Every time I hear that lyric I feel inspired. Many days all I do is doubt. I have so many questions and struggles I deal with in my spiritual walk. I don’t understand so many things in this world, it drives me mad, sort of. I don’t understand myself or my thoughts. But I do get inspired often. By little things. I think that I’m unaware of the pieces and happenings that are meant to stir my senses though.

I try to love but sometimes I don’t seem very good at it or don’t want to.  At least in my own eyes I don’t love, my mind’s eye. I‘ll act attentive and caring but my thoughts are saying something like “ This is damn boring. What an idiot.”  It usually goes something to that extent. I want to care more. I want to be on fire too, to have more passion. Be revolutionary. Live to inspire as well as be inspired. Even today as I was hiking and climbing on rocks I found myself annoyed with this one dude who was camping with my group. He couldn’t keep up.  I didn’t want to slow down(I didn’t).  I thought I was better than him(for many reasons).  I hated that thought. I’m no better than anyone, I know that.  But do I really believe it? Apparently not, I do try to believe it and live it. Maybe I had my reasons to be agitated. Then again probably not.

 

The stories always passed

To the person passing by without a smile: I didn’t smile and for that I’m sorry.

Just needed to let that out.

 I held a door for this guy the other day and he was the most thankful person I have met in some time.  It made me immensely glad to see someone as himself.  He said that he would hold it for me next time and I said “if our paths cross”.   

I truly think that these little acts of kindness can go farther than a mind can imagine.  

It appears that I meet the people I find most appealing and hopeful at the wrong times.  It has happened numerous times, either I meet someone who gives me hope for a great friendship and I’m about to move away or they are about to leave or they live 8 hours away.   It doesn’t happen every day either.  Hardly ever in fact.  At least I’ve met people who have given me a sense of hope, what else could I ask for than that.

I’ve heard a few grand quotes here lately that I’ve been contemplating:

“Comparisons are odious. “                     

“Love… and do as you wish”

“Practice charity without holding in mind any conceptions about charity, for charity after all is just a word.”

This one is just a cool saying that the people use in the book I am reading, “glug a slug from the jug”

“Save me from trendy religion that makes cheap clichés out of timeless truths”

 

 

 

 

Tranquility(a mind for peace)

Happy as can be

Except for days like these

If life’s a stepping stone

Each moment can be trusted

Timed then put away

 Inside your safe

Where no one holds the key

Even if we did,

we’d never find it in the sky

Who knows when I’ll get going

Who knows if I’ll give up

A treasure over time

Time

You can’t rewind

Solely perfect to be passing

 Time

You can’t rewind

Only flicker

If it’s lightning I’ll believe

As it pulses through me you’re touching me

Who knows when I’ll get going

Who knows if I’ll give up

Who knows the time

 

Once Quiet

Silent eyes, form silent pride

Silent eyes, both are mine

Silent heat, talks to silent me

Silent eyes, she sometimes hides

Silent heart, just embark!

Without silent tongue

Idols fair take quiet sail, silence grandeur

Besides who speaks?

To a silent life

A lifeless tide, a crippled bride

 All had due time

Myself and my mind

 

spin head, spin

On a daily basis I am presented the thought of packing all my belongings and going.  Somewhere far off where there is nothing familiar.  It won’t leave me alone, the desire to ramble that is.  There are so many different and odd reasons why I want this.  Some that can be explained and some that maybe can’t.  I thinks it’s the spirit given to me that gives me this longing for adventure and newness.  A change, a newness that brings weird, unique people of different cultures and life’s into my own life, making me appreciate life even more.  I want to get out and do more with my days, see the seas and the mountains and the sunrises along with the sunsets. Travel with someone i don’t even know.  Eat food that i have never heard of.  Be spontaneously free.  Live.  Love.  Find.  Impact. Be impacted

 

To see, to want the sea

Maybe it’s just me but maybe it’s not quite. I know it is though, me that is.  It’s possible to be the others too but that doesn’t really have anything to do with me.  The selfish me.  The thought I was funny me. I get aggravated to soon part of me.     

The thoughts I think.  Thinking about the things that continue to motivate me thoughts that I think.  I thought about a dream I had and what meaning it might have.  I’m pretty sure I did that only because I have heard that dreams can have meanings. 

I want so much. I don’t want to want all of it though, no it gets in the way of me and truth.

An idea came and I was eager to make it happen.  I’m sitting here anyways, just thought of another one too.

Truth to be told with love so bold.

Oh yes and I want a melodica.

 Most of my days have at least one event in common and that  is coffee.  Whether I make espresso, café con leche, French vanilla, or even black just depends on the day and if I’m lazy or not.

I need to floss more than twice a week.

If you dream you are a poet are you?